They say musicians, poets, authors and the like are at their best when they are at their lowest situations in their lives. I am not a poet or any person who deserve such nice titles. I am merely someone who does not have the courage to speak what one feels and decides to just put everything into writing. I don't care even if noone reads what I write. I just want to write what I cannot spell out.
Last week was a very stressful week for me. It started over the weekend when I heard my uncle was rushed to the hospital and it got worse when I learned what the doctors' diagnosis were. My uncle got leptospirosis. It's a diseased usually if you are in the Philippines, carried by rats. My uncle tried to clean up a clogged drainage near their home and it was dirty and full of rats. My uncle probably never thought of the dangers he was exposing himself into. He had some wounds in his fingers and that's what probably caused everything. Leptospirosis happens when you have open wounds and your skin gets in contact with substances that contains that bacteria that causes that disease. In my uncle's case, he probably accidentally spilt some dirt from the drainage on his hands that had wounds. He started to have fever and he could not move his feet. Mobilization were almost impossible. So my cousins decided to admit him to the hospital. I visited him that night. He was so anxious. He is getting frustrated because he feels like peeing but he could not pee. He is sleepy but he could not sleep. He keeps tossing in bed and keeps going on and on asking what's happening to him. Overall he sounded and looked fine. We were waiting for the results of the laboraty test to come in the morning so we could check if it's really leptospirosis. I went home that night praying for the best.
The morning came, I got a text from my sister telling me that my uncle is negative of the leptospirosis bacteria. I became happy and thought to myself he would be fine. But my sister called after a few hours telling me my uncle's bloodpressure dropped too low and that the doctors are all over his room helping him. I went to the hospital right away. It's one of those moments you keep seeing in movies. It's like these moments in movies that you never thought would happen to you. When I arrived everyone was already crying and worried about his situation. Machines had to be connected to him so he could continue to breathe and he could live. But that's all there is to it. He already had three cardiac arrests. He could live but he will be in a coma and only the machines and medicines would keep him alive. There is nothing more we can do. So the family had to make the hardest decision ever. We have to let him go. No matter how much we would want him to stay, there is no use keeping him hooked with the machines and make him suffer. So we called up his siblings and made them talk to him. Even if he was in a coma, we held the phone on his ears and gave his siblings a chance to say goodbye. That was it. It was the end of his life. Just like that, he was taken away from us.
I hated the fact that I could not do something about it. If I could trade his life to mine, I would have done it. I felt like he had a lot to live for. If only I could give him a chance to extend his life.
I never thought it would be him who will go first. He was a very tough guy. I always thought of him as the toughest. I always thought he was invincible. I always thought all of them would last forever you know. But he is gone and someday my parents will be too. This makes me realize how true the saying is: life is short. It is indeed short. It was short for my uncle who's daughter is eight months pregnant and is gonna have a baby girl. He won't be able to see her. Too short for him his son is supposed to be married this twenty-fourth.
Why did he have to go? Why was it his time all of a sudden? Is this really how it is? We don't know when it is time and so we have to be ready to go all the time? I don't think I will ever be ready. I don't think I will ever be ready for a love one to go. Life is never fair. Suddenly someone is taken away from you and you have not even told that person that you care.
If you are reading this, I want you to know you matter to me. I care for every being in this world. I love everyone. I hope it's not too late for you to say you care for your love one too.
I love you Tiyo Edgar. I am sorry I was never able to tell you that. I hope you know this now. I am thankful for you, for those years you were there for all of us. Thank you for being part of my life.
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