The Thought of Becoming an Orphan

If there is one thing I fear most in life, it is on dying. No, not my own. But my parents'. I have always thought that things lasts forever. But when I grew a hold of reality, I realized that all things will perish. That includes the living. That would not have been a very disturbing thought if only that does not include my mama and papa. If only we don't grow old. If only they could stay young. Unfortunately there is no stopping change. My parents are no exception.

Last month, we took my dad to a doctor. They did some laboratory testings and we found out he is not as healthy as we thought he is. He did have a mild stroke which explains why his mouth got lopsided and his speech blurred. His heart enlarged due to hypertension. His sugar and uric acid are both high. He has to go on diet and he has to maintain taking about more than ten types of medicine.

What in the world am I gonna do? I got eight nephews and nieces living with my parents ranging from age 1 to 8. All of them are very active and always giving my papa a hard time. I got three brothers at home and two sister-in-laws, all does not have a stable and high paying job. My parents are the ones providing for their kids. My papa's pension is not enough to buy food for the family, what more if he needed to buy his medicine? My mama has to do most of the chores at home and also take care of the kids and my papa. Eventually she will get sick too. She will get sick for fatigue and stress on the problems placed on her shoulders. I hope my brother realizes this. I hope they too are afraid of losing our parents. I hope they get a job, feed and take care of their own kids. I hope my mama and papa will be free of their burden.

So this goes down to me and my ate. My ate helps out in the house through giving money for the kids and food for the house in the province. Even she is sacrificing her own so she could help out there. Me on the other hand is also giving part of my salary to my parents so they could buy the medicines that papa need. Still that is not enough. I need to give more. I need to work more. I am running out of ideas on what to do. I am going out of my mind. I feel like my world is about to end. I feel like I am not doing enough. I feel like I am worthless. I feel so hopeless. 

I don't want my papa and mama to die. I still have plans for them. I want to be rich and build them a house. I want them to travel the world. I want them to enjoy their life. I want them to experience what they would have experienced had they not sacrifice their lives to take care of us their kids. I still want someone to talk when I am sad and needed someone to run to.

I am not ready to become an orphan yet...